Safe Sex

“There’s a massive gap between those who can get sex and those who can’t in Japan. So In the middle, we have air sex.”

- Sentaro Otsuka, Air Sex Performer

 

Stoolin’

32 years old and my first stool test tomorrow. Everyone I asked has had one. It’s like I just missed the 90s.

So the question is: prep it at home or at the medical centre?

I’m not sure my bathroom is ready for a ritual like this (and yes, if I do it at home it’s likely to be in the bathroom). I can just imagine the towels, toothbrush, razor, Dettol handwash and co. all looking on thinking, “wtf is he doing…..?” It wouldn’t be a normal day for those guys, that’s fosho.

The medical centre, on the other hand, would have all the facilities to ensure the best stool test experience money can buy. My only worry is that little Jim Brown’s gonna sense the danger and refuse to show up (or down, in this case). But can you blame him? His natural course should be straight down then flushed away into the abyss. Now little Jim’s gonna come out all ready to swim home, only to be scooped up, examined, poked at, and basically violated in every possible way. It’s just not natural, even for a turd.

And check out the ‘Incorrect sample- excessive specimen’ pic above. What the hell happened there?? Whoever did that must have crapped ON the stool card and then wiped off the rest of the area. It’s like a crime scene where the murder weapon’s an anal probe. Damn stool card must have been cursing itself.