Aluminum Sex

 

Better than sex?

Surely not. But you do kind of need to take a few deep breaths, maybe take a cold shower or go for a run – just to get your mind off this piece of sex-in-an aluminum casing.

Unveiled a couple of days ago at Macworld by a somewhat groggy-looking Steve Jobs, this is the world’s thinnest and lightest laptop: MacBook Air (ahhh…I get it).

We’re talking serious thin here. Enough for you to spread butter on toast with. 

Upon closer inspection though, this baby is really more like a high-class European call-girl – pretty to look at, but you are probably overcompensating and in need of a status boost if you’re willing to shell out S$3,000 (1.6GHz) or S$5,000 (1.8GHz) for a relatively low-spec machine (even if it’s super-thin and so light you’ll need a paperweight).

The incredible engineering feat that has resulted in its wafer-like appearance comes at the expense of some pretty standard features e.g. more than one USB port, a removable battery, Ethernet port and optical drive (that means this thing can’t play DVDs or CDs. Yes you heard right, it CANNOT play DVDs or CDs).

Apple says these missing features are essentially ‘obsolete’ in a wireless world…I’m willing to bet most hotels around the world still offers Internet in the room via an Ethernet port. And we’re all supposed to thank Jobs for iTunes Movies because we can now chuck our DVD collections into the trash.

Don’t get me wrong – I WANT this sucker. If my MacBook wasn’t so great (despite the fact that its sexy has been taken back) I’d be checking its re-sale value. But really, the MacBook Air isn’t a product for anyone who needs a laptop, just like no one really needs a Ferrari. For most of us we’re better off waiting for some of its features and technologies to be incorporated into future Mac laptops.

The interesting thing is that this will soon be the most poser-alerting and bank-account revealing piece of display hardware at Starbucks all around town. If bitterness is in your nature, just tell yourself that these Air people can’t handle a real laptop.    

What happens if you drop it?

 

CGI Valkyries – Inner Child Rejoice!

Warner Bros. Pictures to make live action Robotech movie

 

When Transformers hit $600m worldwide, you just know life is not going to be quite the same again. Every major studio now wants robots on the menue. Straight away, Voltron was put on the fast track. Now one of the most beloved (and sacred) of 80s robot franchises is about to get the Hollywood treatment.

Truth be told, I’ve been pining for this for years, more so than Transformers. While Optimus was the hero, what every kid really wanted was to pilot a Valkyrie. The premise is irresistible: Top Gun meets Battlestar Galactica in an all-out space war with a love triangle in the centre. It’s criminal that this took so long.

Having said that, I’m not too crazy about emo Spiderman T. McGuire at the helm of the Valkyrie. If he starts dancing I swear I’ll eat my Macross DVDs.

The greatest thing about many classic sci-fi anime is that they truly aspired towards a mythical and human level of storytelling. Even if it has to be dumbed down (and Hollywood will undoubtedly render it that fate), if the characters and tone stay true to the spirit of the series you could still have an infinitely better summer tent pole than the hemorrhage of superhero and Middle-Earth-friendly flicks these days.

There’s really only one other anime robot franchise left that has a wide enough awareness base for Hollywood to attempt, and it probably is the most difficult and riskiest of all.

Gundam, for me, is the holy grail. The ultimate mecha heavyweight. A titanic, sci-fi epic that depicts the awful grandeur of war yet dreams the ideals of pacifism. Its mythology runs so deep, its characters so layered and its philosophies so elemental yet contemporary that it would take the bravest of adaptations to bring it to the big screen.

James Cameron or Peter Jackson, you reading this?

 

Bat Boys Next Summer

Staying in character up on the roof, Christian secretly wishes to be at the BBQ by the trailers where the crew is celebrating second camera man Tobey’s birthday. 

To say it was daring piece of left-field casting is an understatement. When Heath Ledger was announced as the next Clown Prince of Crime ala the Joker, he was probably still wearing Jake Gyllenhaal’s cowboy musk.

Now he plays arguably THE most famous of comic villains.

While Tony Stark ala Iron Man flaunts his millions on ballistic missiles and stainless steel power suits next summer, the original billionaire playboy with issues makes a slightly more understated return as The Dark Knight.

The cumbersomeness of the bat suit is cruelly exposed off-camera as Heath Ledger takes out the pain of daily 3-hour makeup sessions on a hapless Christian Bale.  

Batman Begins (I’m still not sure about the title) was important. Aside from erasing the painful memories of Batman Forever and Batman and Robin (bat suits had nipples then), Chris Nolan’s achievement was to validate the genre by attracting the kind of casting usually reserved for A-list director-driven, Ocean 11’s style ensembles or low-key, Sundance winning and Oscar-baiting independent films.

Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cillian Murphy…in a movie about a guy who dresses up as a bat. Here’s one for the fanboys.

Then of course we’re about to have Robert Downey Jr as Tony Stark aka Iron Man. Tagging along are Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeff Bridges – not exactly struggling soap stars.

Tired of pumping iron for his first superhero role, Bobby Downey decides to cook some instead. 

The same summer sees Edward Norton take on Bruce Banner – who is a good bet to turn into a green CGI monster some time during the movie – in The Incredible Hulk. Trying to curb his own anger problems is Tim Roth, who plays bad guy monster the Abomination.

All that’s left is for Sean Penn to pull on some coloured tights. Geeks really would rule the world then.

 

The Man with the Hat is Back

George’s new T-shirt and hairdo aren’t getting him the attention he wants from Steven and Harrison

Of the great movie icons, Indiana Jones probably sits right up there as the one we DON’T need to see return because the original films are perfect and surely rank alongside Star Wars and Lord of the Rings as one of the great trilogies of our time. When Sean Connery, as Jones Snr, rode off into the sunset with Harrison Ford’s Indy in ‘The Last Crusade’, it was a picture-perfect end to an amazing cinematic journey. There really was no reason and no need for a Part 4.

Yet May 22, 2008 is the date all other studios’ summer tent poles are distancing themselves from. On that day Indy rides into theatres again, accompanied by John Williams’ classic theme, and grown men will (for the second summer in a row, after this year’s Transformers) be reduced to fanboys, daring only to cheer at their hero in the anonymity that the movie theatre provides.

In the hands of another director, this would easily be the lamest of comebacks. But Spielberg helms this project as he did the previous three, starting with ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ – the perfect and quintessential action adventure movie. Ford of course returns as the man with the hat and a fear of snakes.

Spielberg + Harrison Ford = Movie Gold. Period. Nevermind that Harry’s in his 60s and George Lucas pops in here and there, wearing dodgy T-shirts.

It’s good to see you again, Indy.

 

1-18-08

Any trailer that gets people talking about it AFTER they’ve just seen Transformers has got to be something special. Word on the street (by that I mean fanboy forums) says its a Godzilla sequel (too obvious IMO), The Dark Tower (which JJ is developing but that’s all it is – in development), and the unlikely Voltron (one guy in the trailer appears to scream, “It’s a Lion, and it’s Huge!”).

What would make me wet my pants is if it turns out to be Ultraman.

But you gotta give it to JJ for the marketing stunt. Now if only Paramount has the balls to not release a trailer, maybe just a couple more teasers like this one, and then see the numbers on opening night. One of the reasons movies lose their magic is undoubtedly the trailers that spoil them. There was a time when a movie teaser does exactly what it’s supposed to do – tease. These days you have ‘trailer moments’ planned into a movie’s production.

Sure, we all enjoy a kick-ass trailer, but imagine going to an event movie like this one, having only seen JJ’s teaser, and watch the story unfold not having a clue what it’s about. No synopsis, no production photos, no cast interviews beforehand. THAT would be something truly special. 

Unless the movie turns out to be the season finale for Lost.